Word up: @TheRealRoseanne (Roseanne Barr) spews anti-feminism on Twitter, that trans women are not women


TW: Transmisogyny

Fuck you Roseanne.

We became acutely aware of the preciousness of anonymity — understanding it as a form of virginity, something you only lose once. Anonymity allows you access to civic space, to a form of participation in public life, to an egalitarian invisibility that neither of us was prepared to give up […] Invisibility is indivisible from visibility. For the transgender [person], this is not simply a philosophical conundrum — it can be the difference between life and death.
Lana Wachowski, on speaking publicly for the first time and why now.

Doing it Again: In Depth


Justifications for mistreatment of trans women almost always focus around assumptions about how we have sex.  These sexual stereotypes influence discussions around trans women’s rights, employment discrimination, media representation, violence, police harassment, and more.  Yet considering how often trans women’s sexuality is discussed, it’s shocking how rare it is to hear from trans women themselves.

I’m putting together an erotic documentary that will focus on relationship and hookup dynamcis among trans women and their partners.  Doing it Again: In Depth will weave together interview footage and with explicit sex scenes to create a complex portrait of each participant and the roles that relationships and sexuality play in their lives.  

This ambitious project will include two volumes, one focusing on trans women with cis partners and one focusing on trans women with trans partners.  But I’m going to need your help to make this a reality.  If we can raise enough funds with the Kickstarter campaign, then we can create a third volume, focusing on genderqueer and non-binary folks.

In addition to raising funds, I’m looking for trans women (as well as trans female and trans feminine spectrum non-binary folks) and their partners who would like to be a part of this film.  I’m especially looking for straight trans women, trans women with male partners (cis or trans), trans women of color, people of color in general, and people over 40.  If you know anyone who might be interested, please point them to the Doing it Again: In Depth - Casting Application

Finally, I’m really excited about the opportunity to engage in a larger community conversation about these issues.  As a part of this, I’ll be on Tristan Taormino’s new radio show Sex Out Loud on July 20th 5:00pm PST / 8:00pm EST.  Mark your calendars and listen in live, or call in and talk with us (866-472-5788).

It’s About Love, Not the Gender of the Loved


The question I’m most often asked is actually not really about me. It’s about the man I love.

Is he gay now that he loves you? 

Aaron’s identity comes into question at nearly every panel, every speech, every event we attend together. Our love is considered revolutionary - not because we love wholly, but because he loves me. Instead of being a man who chooses to love (which is revolutionary itself), he becomes the sexuality-questioning man who loves the trans woman.

The way he holds me, nurtures me, whispers in my ear to tell me, “You are the most relevant woman on my planet”… Those deep, inside-turning core beliefs of love and intimacy and true partnership are overlooked because I chose to be wholly me, discarding the sex assigned to me at birth.

This is what I thought of when reading Frank Ocean’s letter to the world. People reacted to the man he loved, rather than the fact that Ocean was brave enough to love and to act on that love - regardless of gender.

I understand deeply how powerful it is that this beautifully talented black man has stepped forward and shared his heart with all of us. But I’m also faced with the difficulty that I want more to do so while toggling the irksome notion that more *have* to justify their hearts because of our judgments.

I feel love has no gender, no body, no boundaries. It is we who put such limits and restrictions and rules on something so intimate and pure. Yet I know definitions and words and labels help us shape our world, and even reach back to bell hooks who posits in All About Love, “Imagine how much easier it would be for us to learn how to love if we began with a shared definition.”

hooks goes on to quote psychiatrist M. Scott Peck: ”Love is as love does. Love is an act of will-namely, both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.” (emphasis is mine)

And in Ocean acting to love this man by revealing his heart to him despite the boundaries we all put on him and the disappointing outcome of this unrequited love, he is revolutionary, and the bravest sort. But what is also implicit in his public letter to us  is that he, in his act of choosing to love despite gender, Ocean also chooses to love himself without restrictions. And if more of our people chose to love themselves, they would protect their hearts and bodies in every act of love.

“I don’t have any secrets I need kept anymore,” Ocean writes, adding, “To my first love, I’m grateful for you. Grateful that even though it wasn’t what I hoped for and even though it was never enough. It was.”

Lastly: “I feel like a free man.”

Stay free and keep loving, my beautiful brother.

Queer Events and Trans Women


Queer events rarely have a strong showing of trans women.  There are many reasons: historical exclusion, present day exclusion, ineffectively promoted inclusion, and sometimes it’s just not worth the $10 or $20 door fee to gamble whether or not everyone there will ignore you.

So I’ve worked with a few queer events.  Try to make them more explicitly inclusive.  Try to get trans women visibly involved.  This has worked to a some degree.  However, I have recently discovered a much more effective, dare I say surefire, strategy:

Don’t create a queer event and invite trans women, create a trans women event and invite queers.