Cisnormativity

janetmock:

The question I’m most often asked is actually not really about me. It’s about the man I love.

Is he gay now that he loves you? 

Aaron’s identity comes into question at nearly every panel, every speech, every event we attend together. Our love is considered revolutionary - not because we love wholly, but because he loves me. Instead of being a man who chooses to love (which is revolutionary itself), he becomes the sexuality-questioning man who loves the trans woman.

The way he holds me, nurtures me, whispers in my ear to tell me, “You are the most relevant woman on my planet”… Those deep, inside-turning core beliefs of love and intimacy and true partnership are overlooked because I chose to be wholly me, discarding the sex assigned to me at birth.

This is what I thought of when reading Frank Ocean’s letter to the world. People reacted to the man he loved, rather than the fact that Ocean was brave enough to love and to act on that love - regardless of gender.

I understand deeply how powerful it is that this beautifully talented black man has stepped forward and shared his heart with all of us. But I’m also faced with the difficulty that I want more to do so while toggling the irksome notion that more *have* to justify their hearts because of our judgments.

I feel love has no gender, no body, no boundaries. It is we who put such limits and restrictions and rules on something so intimate and pure. Yet I know definitions and words and labels help us shape our world, and even reach back to bell hooks who posits in All About Love, “Imagine how much easier it would be for us to learn how to love if we began with a shared definition.”

hooks goes on to quote psychiatrist M. Scott Peck: ”Love is as love does. Love is an act of will-namely, both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.” (emphasis is mine)

And in Ocean acting to love this man by revealing his heart to him despite the boundaries we all put on him and the disappointing outcome of this unrequited love, he is revolutionary, and the bravest sort. But what is also implicit in his public letter to us  is that he, in his act of choosing to love despite gender, Ocean also chooses to love himself without restrictions. And if more of our people chose to love themselves, they would protect their hearts and bodies in every act of love.

“I don’t have any secrets I need kept anymore,” Ocean writes, adding, “To my first love, I’m grateful for you. Grateful that even though it wasn’t what I hoped for and even though it was never enough. It was.”

Lastly: “I feel like a free man.”

Stay free and keep loving, my beautiful brother.

tobitastic:

Queer events rarely have a strong showing of trans women.  There are many reasons: historical exclusion, present day exclusion, ineffectively promoted inclusion, and sometimes it’s just not worth the $10 or $20 door fee to gamble whether or not everyone there will ignore you.

So I’ve worked with a few queer events.  Try to make them more explicitly inclusive.  Try to get trans women visibly involved.  This has worked to a some degree.  However, I have recently discovered a much more effective, dare I say surefire, strategy:

Don’t create a queer event and invite trans women, create a trans women event and invite queers.

transartorialism:

I wrote them a few days ago. Here’s the response I just got.

First of all, I would like to personally thank you for your suggestions and thoughts on the Trans Health Initiative Program here at the Feminist Health Center.  As an organization dedicated toserving our community, we take your questions and concerns very seriously and with much thought. As a direct result of your feedback there has been much discussion in regards to our services provided and the demographics we serve.

To clarify any misunderstood details,the Feminist Health Center is a gynecological clinic.  Our mission statement, which can be found on our websiteat www.feministcenter.org, is to “to provide accessible, comprehensive gynecological healthcare to all who need it without judgment.” Thus, we operate and have the capacity to first and foremost meet the medical needs of those seeking gynecological services.  Besides those focused programs, we are happy to meet any other needs to the best of our abilities.

Specifically regarding trans healthcare, we are proud to offer various gynecological services including lower exams, colposcopies, wellness lab work, and biopsies as well as testosterone hormone replacement therapy.  This program dedicated to trans men was created 12 years ago with support from Lola Cola, partner of Robert Eads of the documentary film “Southern Comfort.”   Regardless of gender identity and/or sexual identity, we are happy to provideHIV, STI/STD testing, counseling and referrals. The Trans Health Initiative is not a “partner” but rather an additional program of our Center.  Because of our limited capacities of wide-range healthcare services as a gynecological clinic, we are not equipped to serve the specific medical needs of trans women, cisgendered males or estrogen hormone replacement therapy.  Thus, our reasons for not offering hormone replacement therapy for trans women are because we are not currently able as a clinic to provide that type of care. However, we are more than happy to welcome any person of any gender identity and/ or sexual identity into our clinic and offer them the best support we can, including referrals to doctors and community organizations. In addition, we are equipped to assist with physician-ordered lab work for trans women who are on hormone replacement therapy.

FWHC is working to move beyond gender binaries and conflating “woman” to “person with a uterus.” As a result of your feedback we are re-evaluating and revising our website and other marketing materials to be more inclusive and more clear about who we are able to serve. At the same time, we have to walk a fine line between moving beyond biological essentialism and gender binaries and speaking the language of our clients. We have to “meet people where they are at” so that we can move forward together.

As a clinic and organization, we are dedicated to our community and having conversations tobroaden our commitment to inclusivity.  Unfortunately, the issue of concern is not something that can be fixed overnight.  We hope to continue down this “progressive road” with your support and suggestions.  Roadblocksthat include funding and expanding our staff are issues that limit us in our scope of provided services. Rest assured, we take your concerns to heart and we are going to continue this conversation in the clinic and in the community.  Thank you for your patience and time—-I apologize for the lengthy email but we highly value these concerns and hope to continue to foster this conversation with you in reaching our goals.

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*I just want to note that the formatting of this email made it obvious that it was a cut-and-paste response.